Why do we value busy?

When did lying on the sofa eating pancakes become such a bad thing?

I’m busy, you’re busy, we’re all busy. From the moment we open our eyes until we fall asleep at night our lives are a constant buzz of activity, a bombardment of our senses with an overload of information, an unrelenting weight of responsibility on our shoulders and a never ending grasping of our attention. It’s exhausting.

Organisational skills of a military general

Do you remember as a child those long summer days, lying on your back watching the clouds skate across the sky, making daisy chains with your friends, listening to the hum of insects and soaking up the warmth of the sun, the smell of freshly cut grass in the air? I do. When was the last time you did that?

My kids are fully grown adults now but I know when they were little there was a constant pressure to have their tiny lives scheduled to ensure they were never idle and were offered every opportunity to expand their minds and gain skills that would help them in life. They had a bustling timetable filled with school, football, taikwondo, karting, cadets, music lessons, acting lessons, swimming lessons, playdates, museum visits and birthday parties. To have a day off to just ‘be’ was really frowned on by the generation of parents I was raising my kids with and this was all before social media and the constant online pressure parents endure today.

As a single mum that level of activity required the organisational skills of a military general. I had to know who was going where, what time, make sure the kit was clean, pressed and ready to go. Gather snacks, club fees, and ensure there was sufficient petrol in the car to get there. It was quite the undertaking and with two kids that’s double the activities and twice the scheduling to avoid any clashes on the calendar. No matter how much I might have wanted to, I couldn’t be on the touch line cheering on one son as he made his debut for the football team and see the other race to victory on the track at the other side of the county.

Mum guilt is real

I always felt it was so important to show up for my boys, to be there to enjoy their triumphs, support them when it didn’t go as they hoped and to cheer them on no matter what. For the most part I succeeded I think. I only missed one school sports day as I was taking the other one to film a tv ad. Granny and grandpa were there to cheer him on, as was his dad, but despite me being at every other sports day, that’s the one he remembers. While he understood the dilemma, I have had mum guilt ever since and he’s never forgotten I wasn’t there.

All this busy ness was on top of running a home, going through a divorce and working full time, in a world where I was expected to make time for friends, date, enjoy an active and varied sex life, keep fit, be well read, have hobbies and spend time with aging parents and all the responsibilities that come with that.

Once the kids grew up and no longer needed me to ferry them about I thought life would get less busy and in many respects it has, but my idea of less busy is still too busy and I know I need to get off the merry go round and take time to smell the roses.

Is it really a day off if you’re pulling hair out the plug hole?

Today was my day off. It was not unique by any stretch of the imagination nor was it as productive as so many other people’s lives but it started at 2am, finished at midnight and involved; cleaning the house from top to bottom as it hadn’t been cleaned all week, walking the dog, 6 bundles of laundry, a visit to the recycling centre, washing the car, sorting a flat tyre, writing a blog, facetime with family, lending money to someone in need, answering urgent messages that could not be left until Monday, dealing with an HMRC issue, updating the household budget, cleaning black mould off an inside wall, listening to a political podcast to ensure I’m up on current affairs, checking in with a friend, reading a chapter of a book, and half watching a movie while cleaning out the fire.

Life is such that today has actually felt like a lazy day. How bizarre is that. I’m physically, mentally, emotionally and financially exhausted. I really believe that as a society we have got to stop with the busy olympics. Something has to change as it cannot be good for our health. I’m definitely hopping off the busy bus, setting some boundaries and making time to watch the clouds skate by. In the meantime….

Domestic goddess update

I found a satsuma at the bottom of the fruit bowl that had to have been left over from Christmas as I don’t recall purchasing any after that. It was both dry and soggy and a lovely shade of green.

Made a pot of leek and potato soup that had to be flushed down the loo it was so vile. It tasted like the after taste of vomit.

Defrosted the freezer and wiped all the surfaces. Clearly didn’t dry them properly as now the drawers are frozen stuck and I’ll need to defrost the whole thing again.